Friday, January 30, 2004

I mean, 14 in a Row. IN A ROW

I wrote this last night. Enjoy. And if you take my advice and bet, send me money when you win.

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If you are betting on the Superbowl, let me tell you 4 reasons why you should bet on the Pats.

1) The Patriots don't just win, they almost ALWAYS COVER! A-L-W-A-Y-S. Do you realize that this season the Patriots are an incredible 16-2 in real game scores and an even more incredible 15-2-1 against the spread? That isn't just amazing, it's almost damn near impossible.

Not impressed? Let's review the three games in which they didn't cover:

September 7, 2003 at Buffalo. Minus 1 favorites the Pats lost 31-0.

You might remember this game as the "Lawyer Milloy" Game. Less than a week before the season opener the Pats cut the former All-Pro Safety who was then signed by Buffalo. This game marked a few things. One was the subsequent writing off of the Patriots for the season. The complete loss of faith in Bill Belichick (what had he ever done!). The belief that we would go 0-16. But most importantly, and this is something no one has mentioned, the falling apart of Tom Brady.

Since he replaced Drew Bledsoe against the Jets three years ago Tom Brady has displayed a few things. Or rather, he has not displayed a few things. He has not displayed any amazing attributes athletically as a quarterback. I'm not saying he isn't a great athlete, but he can't really do anything physically amazing. I guess it's a good thing that he does one thing as well as any quarterback ever to play, win. Honestly, he wins so much that when he loses it's chilling. Like one of your friends suddenly getting engaged or moving across the country. It's like, how the hell did that happen?

The reason Brady wins so much is because he does everything well and he makes decisions impeccably (well, plus he has a great defense). How often do you watch a Patriots game and say, "Gee, Brady sure screwed that one up." Once a game? Twice? I mean, quarterbacks don't just make 25 passes, they look at 100 different routes, read 50 defenses, check off receivers, look over pictures on the sidelines, and a million other things. And every game you sit there and say, "WHAT WAS HE THINKING??!?!?!" But not with Brady. He's playing the game at a different level then most people. He isn't just a step ahead, he's four steps ahead. If they named Tom Brady a general and he led troops into battle, I think I would trust him to read the enemy and call the right audible. He is just that smart on the field. And he never ever ever loses his head. So you have an almost error free quarterback who always maintains his composure no matter how big the situation.

What's the point of this Brady rant in the midst of recapping the Buffalo loss?

Tom lost his head. Tom played stupid. Tom played maybe the worst game of his career.

He lost one of his best friends on the team, and instead of overcoming that he fell apart (along with the other guys wearing the Flying Elvis' on their helmets). And no one ever mentions this as the one time Tom didn't just play badly (he has had a FEW other bad games) but that he played without composure. I find it amazing, that after three years this is the only game in which we can honestly say we wouldn't have trusted Tom to lead the troops into battle.

So that's one of the three games they didn't cover.

Game 2.

September 28, 2003 at Washington. Plus 3 underdogs the Pats lost 20-17.

The Pats had a whole host of injuries and they followed that up with a whole host of penalties. In spite of the poor performance, they still had the ball at the end of the game with a chance to tie it with a field goal (instead opting for the first down since the attempt would have been a 55 yarder.) This game easily could have gone either way, and that being said, the Pats still made the game a push.

Game 3:

January 10, 2004 home against Tennessee (2nd round playoff game). Minus 6 favorites the Pats won 17-14.

I believe the wind chill for this game was something like -175 degrees. In all seriousness, it was so cold that the Patriots home field advantage didn't exist. How much noise can you make when you have 5 layers of clothing, two pairs of gloves and a ski mask covering your face? I talked to some guys that were at the game and they told me this story.

The two brothers were there early tailgating and one of them had some amount of beer ranging from 17-22, depending on which brother you asked. To go along with the beer this one guy also downed some peach schnapps. So when they finally got into the stadium he was basically dead, but somehow managed to get up and buy a couple of hot chocolates. On the way back up to the seats, which were at the top of the stadium just below the lights and the helicopters, the sober brother saw the drunk one walking back and then turned away. When he turned back, his brother was gone.

"Where'd he go?"

(Some random fan) "Is that your brother down there?"

He had fallen down the entire flight of steps and all the hot chocolate had spilled all over him.

And frozen.

The hot chocolate, which you figure had to be somewhere around 90 degrees, froze immediately upon hitting his coat. For the rest of the game he sat, completely brown, with frozen hot chocolate. Not that it mattered.

"I remember walking in the stadium and then I don't remember anything until Vinatieri's kick,” said the drunk one.

The point? It was cold. (And I'm retarded for saying that much to show it was cold, but I wanted to tell the story and I control this thing.)

Amazingly, the Patriots STILL could have covered. If Daniel "Cement Hands" Graham had caught a late third down pass inside the redzone, the Pats might have scored and covered. If that game is about 20 degrees warmer, they cover. It was essentially a neutral game played by two tough, hard-hitting teams. And the Patriots came a "Cement Hands" catch away from covering.

So there you go, a season where the Patriots almost went 17-1 against the spread. And forget the almost crap, they DID go 15-2-1. If that isn't reason enough to feel comfortable giving up the points, don't worry, there is more.

2) The NFC sucked this year.

The NFC was football's equivalent of the NBA Eastern Conference.

Let's name the four best teams in football.

Patriots, Colts, Titans, Chiefs.

Okay, the four best team's in the NFC.

Carolina, Philadelphia, St. Louis, and ............um, geez..........Green Bay? Seattle?

The point is the top four teams in the AFC would beat anybody from the NFC.

(Carolina did beat Indy in OT at Indy, but that was early in the season and OT games are basically a coin flip. Once you get to overtime it doesn't matter who is better usually, it matters as to who gets lucky first. Kind of like one run games in baseball. Oh, Carolina won 3 OT games and lost only 1, so they easily could have another loss and they clearly weren't a dominant team. They got crushed by the Titans 37-17 at home.

They won their games by an average of slightly more than 5 points. They were just good enough to win. Their record against the spread was only 9-10.)

So why in the world would anyone think that any team from the NFC could compete with any team from the AFC? I really don't get it. This is like all the foolish, foolish morons last year that predicted the Nets would beat the Spurs. Of course, it's easier to win the Superbowl as an inferior team because it is only one game, but I'm not buying it, and that's because of number 3.

3) Two weeks between the Conference Championships and the Superbowl favors the better team. Here are some sub-reasons:

a) Preparation - The better team can prepare more. When you are better at something than someone else the more time you have to practice the more it helps you. Simple.

b) Health - Forget just Bruschi, if you give a wounded animal time to heal, and the animal is stronger to begin with, you lose any advantage you had when his injury leveled the field. How good are Rodney Harrison and Ty Law feeling right now? Probably better than they did last Sunday. And again, althought Carolina also gets healthier, because the Pats are better the level of difference it makes increases.

c) Coaching - Just like the players prepare so do the coaches. And I think we have the best coach in all of sports (let's see Phil Jackson win with Ricky Davis as his second best player) and the extra week helps the Pats more than it does John Fox and the Panthers.

Remember, in 91, Belichick, the Giants defensive coordinator, stopped the Buffalo Bills offense, one of the best of all time, and he only had a week to game plan (I believe Peter King said that he came up with the plan on the flight down to the Superbowl following their NFC championship win.) Two years ago he stopped the Rams with only a week. Again, they were one of the best offenses ever. He had only a week to come up with a plan for Peyton Manning. Imagine what he'll do to Jake Delhomme with two weeks time. I wonder if Delhomme will cry.

Plus, the Patriots Superbowl experience can only help them, it certainly can’t hurt them.

Plus, maybe most importantly..

4) The Patriots are really good. Um, they've won 14 straight games. They beat the Titans twice, Indy twice, Miami twice, Denver in Denver, Philly in Philly, and Dallas. They are 10-0 against teams with winning records.

Please, re-read that. I'll re-write it for you.

10-0.

Ten wins, zero losses, against teams with winning records.

It's so impressive it's almost gross. If I wasn't a Patriots fan I'd probably be disgusted at how great this team has played.

And really, it is just that simple. You have a great, great, great team playing against a pretty good little team that probably benefited from a lot of luck this year but was tough enough to win games no one else was. The problem is for Carolina, and most of the rest of the league, that the difference between good and bad is so slight that they aren't that far away from being 6-10, but they are far away from being 14-2.

The Patriots though, they were 14-2. They were that good. And because of how far apart the two teams are, make sure you lay your money down on the Pats.

Pats win 27-13 and I go into Kenmore Square with 10,000 of my closest friends. You can bet on it.



Thursday, January 29, 2004

Update Coming

I have an 1800 word column that will be posted by midnight tomorrow on why you should bet the Pats, even laying the points.

Be prepared.

Update:

Sometimes blogger publishes a post that you didn't want published. So if my long "Bet on the Pats" post is showing, disregard any errors or sloppiness because it isn't edited yet and I wrote it from 1am to 3 am in an almost stream of consciousness.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

This Interview Was a Mistake I Made

I recently sat down for an interview with Pete Rose following his admission to betting on baseball 14 years ago. Pete showed up to the interview with his hair freshly dyed “pumpkin,” wearing a yellow pinstriped suit. He sat straddling the chair like a man riding a horse.

The following is a transcript of what took place.

M: Hi Pete, thanks for agreeing to this interview.

P: No problem Mike. I bet you didn’t think you’d get an interview with me.

M: To be honest, no I didn’t.

P: Neither did I. I didn’t think I’d ever give you an interview. I lost a lot.

M: Wait. You bet that you wouldn’t give me an interview? (Pete nods) Then why are you here?

P: That was a mistake I made.

M: Um, geez. Well, I am sorry you lost a lot.

P: You’re what?

M: I’m sorry. (Pete shrugs and looks confused.) It means I feel bad.

P: I have no idea what is going on right now.

M: Forget it; let’s just move on. Pete, why –

P: Excuse me. (Pete takes out a small TV and a cell phone. He starts yelling into the cell phone “Duke! Duke” Then Pete starts to yell at the TV “Damn Duke! Damn Duke,” for 37 minutes.)

M: Pete?

P: Yes?

M: Did you bet on Duke?

P: Yes I did Mike and that was a mistake I made.

M: Pete, after 14 years of lying, why finally tell the truth now and admit you bet on baseball.

P: I want nothing more then to be forgiven, to fix the mistakes that I have made, and to someday be enshrined in the baseball Hall of Fame. No one is perfect, and for 14 years I have been punished. I’d like to ask for forgiveness and to receive it.

M: What about your new book?

P: Lot of money for that.

M: So is it safe to say that this newfound contrition might be monetarily motivated?

P: Um…. (Pete begins to look around the room nervously.) I never wrote a book.

M: What? Yes you did Pete. In fact you wrote two books. You wrote two autobiographies.

P: There’s no evidence that I ever wrote a book on my own life. Now I might have written books on other people’s lives, but never my own.

M: Pete, I have both books right here. (I hand Pete both books.) Is that evidence enough for you?

P: Who gave these to you? John Dowd? Or was it that Bart Giamatti guy who has been after me all these years?

M: Pete! Commissioner Giamatti has been dead for 14 years, during which you have smeared his name and legacy with constant lies.

P: Never met the guy.

M: How can you say that?

P: Clearly I have the biggest balls in the world.

M: Did you write this book to make money, yes or no Pete?

P: Who is Pete?

M: You, you are Pete Rose.

P: No I’m not. My name is….Joe. Joe Jackson.

M: Pete, are you retarded?

P: Yes I am Mike and that was a mistake I made.

M: Pete, there is no way you are this dumb. Now you might be a liar and an egotistical jerk, but you can’t possibly be this stupid. So cut the act.

(Pete nods and closes his legs. Suddenly his orange hair turns a dignified white and his canary, pinstriped suit changes to a regal navy blue.)

P: Touché my friend, and please, call me Peter.

M: Peter, why lie for so many years? Why deceive the game that gave you so much including millions of fans? Why put up this ridiculous charade when all anyone wanted to hear was an apology? Why ruin Paul Molitor’s and Dennis Eckersley’s Hall of Fame inductions? Why? Why?

P: Well Mr. Walsh, when it comes right down to it, I’m a greedy scumbag.

M: Oh.

P: Simple really.

M: Do you really want to get into the Hall of Fame?

P: Yes, of course. I’m not a monster. Besides, I get paid more for appearances if I am a Hall of Famer.

M: Then why almost intentionally screw this up?

P: You want the truth?

M: That is all anyone has wanted from you for 14 years.

P: I got great odds at 7:1 I’d never get into the Hall of Fame.

(Suddenly Pete’s appearance changes back to how it was before.)

P: Bet you didn’t see that one coming!

M: I hate you.

Sunday, January 18, 2004

SUPERBOUND!

Just got in from the AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!

After I collect my thoughts I'll write an entry about it. But just know/remember this:

No one ever sat down during the game. No one, ever. We stood from warmups until we walked out screaming and cheering our title and trip to the Superbowl.

Unbelievable.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

He's.........Alive?

What is the only thing I feel I NEED to do before my trip to New York City tomorrow?

Buy a Red Sox hat.

You are damn right.



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